the symptoms of an uncanny nature.

sticks and stones.

Creative Liscense?

I wrote something terrible. it wasnt badly written, it made perfect sense, i didnt say bad things, but it made me feel terrible. it was originally about someone. it was ment to be neutral and something only i would understand. but when i wiped away my eraser pieces, and held it up to the light, i could barely look at it. it was opinionated and rude. to the normal eye, this wasnt this bad, but i knew that if the person it was about had seen it, i would not be happy. then and there, i shut the notebook. i put it under my bed and slipped under my sheets. i regretted writting down those things, they didnt come out as they were intended to.




but then again, arent most things?

Hearing, Understanding, Or Ignoring?

The person who lives by their fears will not find freedom in my love. I am not talking about rational fears regarding legitimate dangers, but imagined fears, and especially the projection of those into the future. To the degree that those fears have a place in your life, you neither believe I am good nor know deep in your heart that I love you. You sing about it; you talk about it, but you don’t know it.


yes, this is the general idea being screamed in my head all day long. the words are ordered as this in a book i have not read, The Shack. they were spoken to me just months before, by a voice i had barely recognized then. it was a voice that knew me little, but could read me like a book. i guess the things i thought i held so deep inside, were quickly seeping out my pores and dropping on the concrete like rain. they formed a puddle that i drown in and remain in. i've never known anything out side of this puddle and i don't know if my legs can stand without the water surrounding them. it's like the one thing that will be able to bring me down, i swim around in everyday because it's the only constant i've ever known. it's the only thing i can really depend on to be there and be stronger than me. i use it as a way to bring me back to reality, it used to be something i could control. but then, after thinking i shared this stregnth with the devil, he ripped it from my hands and i knew i never had the real power, ever. i took it from the one who could ever be able to save me, i took it to my own hands, who had offered themselves as a sacrifice, in a desprate attempt to be ANYTHING. and now i want to take them back, here is where i wish i was talking about tangable things, like bricks and hands or dirt. but no, this is something i cant see, its "believeing" maybe.. or it could just be me letting go, but i'm letting go of ideas and beliefs? i have no idea what that means, i dont think too much into this, honestly, i dont think enough. i think on a one-track mind, leading to a remote and abstract somewhere. i hate abstract, i want to separate all this into bags labled anything, and throw them into piles, weather to keep or to rid.

Ugly, Small, Or Beautiful?

adjectives; used to show our opinion on someone or something. adjectives; they change day by day and are different in everyone's mind. there are two types of adjectives. one are factual adjectives, such as colors, numbers and shapes. but that's not where we have the problem. it's hidden beneath the words ugly, small and beautiful. we give things names (adjectives) depending on what we know. if you only knew your own way of life, than everyone elses would be weird to you, when to them it's completely normal. because the make-up of our minds are different, and because no 2 pairs of eyes can never coincide completely, we receive contradicting adjective to describe the same object. and then, and only then, is when the stupidest of all fights occur. Two pairs of eyes, two mouths, two minds and two lives.. both trying to make the other change their mind. instead of learning and exploring other peoples minds, we so quickly defend our statements any try to convince everyone that ORANGES are gross. too often we think that if we could just get everyone to believe that the adjectives i label on things are correct, than the world would see things through my eyes, thus being a better place..? not realizing that the people you pass by everyday, have the same thought going through their heads. they think that the opinions they have on places, objects and people are more factual. but what if everyone did buy into this, and what if everyone began to dislike apples and think the color yellow is awesome, just because the make-up of YOUR brain tells YOU so? what would happen? would we all agree? no. agreeing is when two SEPARATE lives find a common belief in something, thus agreeing on something. sometimes its something worked for. after long hours of listening and talking, a final AGREEMENT is made between the two minds. robots do not agree. they match, they coincide, they even have the same brain make-up, but they find no joy, no accomplishment, no reward when they agree, they just do. how beautiful? no. they're an empty box, made solely to accompany empty hearts. robots serve as a reminder to what we can never be, not just because we strive for years to become an "individual"..but because its just so impossible to shun out and shut up all the things we learned from years and years of life. weather it was a time well spent or a regretted life, we learned something. learned from our mistakes or learned what works in this world. adjectives; they've been in your head all along, spoken or thought... you remember don't you? that time, not so long ago.. you found out what adjectives people really say about the only thing you really know, about the only thing you've been trying to protect and define all your life...YOU. you try to ignore it, but you just cant. the very same words you use to describe everyone and everything you've ever seen, have just been put on you. hows it feel? no, these aren't just bad things said about you.. they're just THINGS. howie day has the idea. i've found im scared to know im always on your mind. this is a fear sprouted by what goes on in our own head. deep down are you just hoping that they dont have a mind like your own? you know that even if you ask what they're thinking, it wont be the whole truth. and you know this because you do the same thing, each and everyday. but dont be so shocked. yes, you do this everyday. he passes by and you think "cute." she messes up a word and you think"stupid." eventually, these will all come out on the table.. not always with the person they're directed to.. but to yourself. late at night, i promise you. treat others as you'd like to be treated? adjectiveate others as you'd like to be adjectiveated.


because adjectives add color to it all.

Dear Benjamin Franklin, Your Not Welcome Here

"I put a piece of paper under my pillow, and when I could not sleep I wrote in the dark."
-Henry David Thoreau

The Symptoms Of An Uncanny Nature

Houdini's Hidden Key.

He went down in history for putting himself in perilous situations and "miraculously escaping." Now, all that has changed from then to now is that we know he had a secret key with him at all times. This knowledge almost has the power to shun him from our minds completely. But not quite. See, he became so famous by hiding his source of power, and only showing the world this illogical outcome. People were amazed by him, not because they thought he was super human, but solely because they knew he had something they didn't. Some wanted to know what it was, but most just wanted to enjoy it. We all have keys. But are they opening the locks to the cars that just help us run away, or our houses that hide us from the rest of the word. or more importantly, do they open us up from the terrible things we put ourselves and other in so that we can live like humans?

the product of facepaint and orange gourds

my sister painted on a pumpkin, and it looked sad. almost as if it had been sat on. then i remembered...

"I would rather sit on a pumpkin and have it all to myself, than be crowded on a velvet cushion."
—Henry David Thoreau